so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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