It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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