In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
