Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
