Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
