hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
