Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
