living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
