I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
