i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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