you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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