If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
