She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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