Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
