i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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