Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
