I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
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