Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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