During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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