5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
