just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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