Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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