So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
