I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
