1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
