took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
