dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
