Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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