Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
