I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
