Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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