If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My balls are so social today.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
