you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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