Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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