That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
