and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
