I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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