you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
