Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
