i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
