everyone is single if you try hard enough
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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