Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
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halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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