I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
