In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
