He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
