I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
