Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My feet surprised me
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