weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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