Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
