it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
