I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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