i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
