Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
