you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
