i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
