I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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