I love black thongs
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
