In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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