if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
