**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
