oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
