I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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