69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
