When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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