im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
thus making me awesome and them whores
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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