yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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