I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
