We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
