He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
