sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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