It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish my penis had a tongue
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
