I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
