my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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