Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
