If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
