i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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