I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
