I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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