Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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